Safety

Tags

emotions, friendship, Healing, life, love, mental health, relationships, safety, self-reflections, trust, understanding, vulnerability

I am not sure I’ve ever felt truly safe with someone, maybe my best friend, but even then I feel like there are things I can’t say to her. There is one other person whom I trust dearly that I feel safe with. I want to be safe to be fully myself. That’s not to say I haven’t felt safe enough to share a lot of myself with people. But I sometimes forget that my brain maybe isn’t very normal and when I say the inside thoughts out loud, I feel like it causes people to pull away from me. I mean things in an innocent way, like I may say things that I think are helpful or nice or even trying to be funny, but they come out all wrong. I need someone to tell me that it’s okay, that I’m not ridiculous and that my words were fine.

Feeling emotionally safe, to share all of me with someone is incredibly important to me. I don’t know what I would do if that ever happens. Probably cry. I also want someone to feel that safe with me. I want to be the type of person that can hold someone’s trust and they know they are absolutely safe to be themselves fully. I don’t know if I’ll ever find that person, but when they show up, you can bet I’m going to do everything possible to keep them in my life.

Feeling physically safe with someone is different. It has a small emotional component but mostly it’s just being able to feel like I won’t get attacked by them or that they will protect me from harm from others. There are very few, like maybe three, men in my life that I trust that fully. Not that I don’t trust other men, but I never let my guard down like I do with those three. I have way more women that I trust that way, and that’s a sad state of the world these days.

I am not all that physically strong but I will defend my friends and fellow humans as much as possible. I want to be known as a safe person, physically and emotionally. I will keep working on myself to make that a solid reality.