Running on Empty

Tags

exhaustion, life, limits, mental health, sick, survival, tired, unfair, work, writing

I’m sick, but I’m still working. Because apparently the world doesn’t pause just because my body tells me to. And apparently there is literally no one else at my job that can do what I do (no, for real, there is no one).

It’s such a strange feeling knowing that you need rest, knowing you’d heal faster if you slowed down, but still forcing yourself to show up. Because bills don’t wait. Deadlines don’t wait. Responsibilities don’t wait. And, unfortunately, there are so many people who don’t have the luxury of being able to take sick days.

So here I am, dragging myself through the motions and wearing a mask. Half here, half not. Doing enough to get by, but definitely not thriving. And it feels unfair. Not in that whiny kind of way. I can’t explain why really, just that it does.

Sometimes I wonder how different life would look if rest wasn’t treated like laziness, but like medicine. If we were encouraged to stop instead of praised for pushing past our limits. I know other countries do this. They allow for more rest days/sick days for their employees. Maybe not all businesses, but enough.

But that’s not the world we live in. And even if we did allow that more often, I still couldn’t because of my particular position. So for now, I’ll keep going. Even though my body is begging me to stop.

Still

Tags

drift, echo, ember, happiness, life, linger, love, pulse, quiet, shadow, tether, thread, tide, writing

I notice the spaces you leave,
the quiet corners of your day.
I don’t reach too far,
but I am here.

Not to crowd, not to demand,
just to hold the thought
that you matter.
That even in the pauses,
even in the distance,
I care.

It’s not loud.
It’s a soft tether,
a hand at the edge of yours
that won’t pull,
but won’t let go.

I hope you feel it,
even if you don’t see it.
I hope you know
that somewhere,
in the small invisible ways,
my heart is still with yours.

I don’t write this type of thing often and it takes me forever to get it right. I hope you enjoy.

When Trust is Lost

Tags

broken, doubt, emotions, life, mental health, questioning, relationships, tired, trust, Truth, writing

I’m not sure it ever comes back. A person can try but I just don’t know that it is possible.

Maybe you can trust someone in certain ways, like knowing they’d help you if you needed it, but not trust them with your heart, your emotions, your real self. But is that even trust? Or just convenience?

It’s like a broken vase. You can glue it back together, but unless you squint, you still see the cracks.

I’m exhausted. My brain is looping, and maybe none of this makes sense. But I can’t stop wondering.

I don’t know

Tags

alive, balance, chaos, emotions, growth, Healing, honesty, Hope, human, life, love, mental health, messy, Reflection, writing

How are you feeling right now?

I’m just a big jumble of emotions. But it seems like I stay that way.

Some days it feels like I’m carrying around a dozen different feelings all at once, and none of them are willing to sit quietly in the corner. It’s never just one thing. It’s everything at once. Hope tangled up with fear. Joy showing up beside sadness. Calm trying to hold hands with chaos.

It’s messy. But it’s also real.

I used to think I had to sort it all out before I could show up in the world. Like I had to be calm, or steady, or put together before anyone else could see me. Now I’m realizing that maybe being human just means holding all of it at the same time.

The jumble doesn’t mean I’m broken. If anything, it means I’m alive.

Unspoken Weight

Tags

Healing, life, love, mental health, relationships, Truth, writing

Sometimes the heart holds things it can’t quite name.
Like the quiet tension of knowing someone you care about is going through a major shift…
and wondering if your presence in their life somehow changes the shape of it.

Not because you asked for anything.
Not because you caused anything.
Just because you’re there.

It’s strange — loving someone through their own unraveling.
You want to help, to stay steady, to be the calm in the storm.
But there’s a small voice that wonders if, someday, you’ll become part of the story they wish had gone differently.

It’s not a loud fear. Just a whisper. The kind you carry in your chest when things aren’t said out loud, but still somehow feel real.

So I stay quiet. Soft. Present. And I remind myself that being a safe place is never the wrong thing to be.

Even if the story gets blurry later.

I’ve got several family members and friends going through some things and I don’t know how to help aside from just being an ear.

The Boob Tube

Tags

Childhood, family, happiness, life, love, memories, nostalgia, TV, writing

(I wonder if that reference is too old for some people now, but if you know, you know.)

What TV shows did you watch as a kid?

For me, there are a handful that really stand out in my memory.

The A-Team. This show had it all — the smart leader, the pretty face, the wild and crazy one, and the soft-hearted tough guy. Adventures galore, and they always solved the case or helped the little guys. It was one of those shows that made you believe in teamwork, even if it was totally over the top.

Fresh Prince. Honestly, this was the show. So much heart, so much soul, and the lessons woven into the comedy actually landed. I know Friends was around the same era, but I never liked it. For me, Fresh Prince is the one that holds up.

Saved by the Bell. What self-respecting kid/pre-teen didn’t watch this campy high school show? It was quirky and fun, full of crushes, silly problems, and occasional “serious” lessons. It may not have been perfect, but it’s one of those shows that instantly takes me back.

Swans Crossing. OMG. This was teen soap opera heaven. It didn’t last long, but every day after school I rushed home to catch it. It felt like it was written just for us, the kids right on the edge of growing up, craving something a little dramatic and a little dreamy.

And then, of course, there were the Saturday morning cartoons. Heathcliff, Smurfs, Gummi Bears, and so many more. They’re all tangled up with the smell of cereal, pajamas, and that pure weekend-morning freedom.

When I think about those shows now, they’re more than just TV — they’re snapshots of who I was and where I was in life. The comfort, the joy, the escape, the lessons (intended or not). They stick with you.

So, what about you? Which shows instantly transport you back to your childhood?