Boredom is Dangerous

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boredom, chaos, humor, irony, life, mind, Reflection, routine, spark, stillness, Truth, writing

Every single time I say out loud that I am bored, it seems like something bad happens. Last time I said it was when Israel got bombed. (This isn’t a political post. I will not be explaining my feelings about that situation.)

But, taking the risk, maybe if I just type it instead of saying it out loud, I won’t jinx anything. So here it is: I’m bored.

It’s not the kind of boredom that means I have nothing to do. I have plenty I could be doing. It’s more like my brain is idling, waiting for something interesting to grab onto. My job can be mentally taxing some days, but today isn’t one of them. Today feels like a long, slow, drawn out moment where nothing exciting is happening.

Part of me knows I should probably just enjoy the quiet because chaos usually finds its way back into my life. But another part of me craves a little spark, something new to think about or dive into. Unfortunately, that is definitely how my mind works. Constantly bouncing between “I need a break” and “I need stimulation” like it can’t decide which side it wants to take in the fight.

If the universe is listening, I’d like to request something interesting to happen, but not catastrophic, please. Maybe just a good song, a loving text, an unexpected laugh, or a creative spark that doesn’t involve terrible events, okay?

So if the world tilts again after this post goes up, I’ll just say sorry in advance.

Songs that made me cry today

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happiness, life, love, music, sadness

Someday – Rob Thomas

“And maybe someday we’ll figure all this out
Try to put an end to all our doubt
Try to find a way to make things better now that
Maybe someday we’ll live our lives out loud
We’ll be better off somehow, someday

I don’t wanna wait
I just wanna know
I just wanna hear you tell me so
Give it to me straight
Tell it to me slow”

I Have Nothing – Whitney Houston

I won’t hold it back again, this passion inside
Can’t run from myself, there’s nowhere to hide
But don’t make me close one more door
I don’t wanna hurt anymore
Stay in my arms if you dare
Or must I imagine you there?
Don’t walk away from me
I have nothing, nothing, nothing
If I don’t have you

I think I’m done…

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Change, gratitude, growth, Healing, journey, life, love, mental health, pause, quiet, Reflection, renewal, stillness, transition, writing

…for now. I’m going to take a break from here for a while. Nothing dramatic going on, I just need a pause. I appreciate all five of my people here more than you know. You’ve read my words and made me feel seen in ways I didn’t expect when I started writing here.

But right now, I need some quiet. Some space to reflect on my life and my future. Where I’ve been, where I am, and where I want to go next. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I can feel a shift happening in me. Not a bad one, just… a change.

Sometimes I think we forget how important stillness is. The world moves fast, and I tend to move right along with it until I realize I haven’t stopped to just be in a while. So that’s what I’m about to do. I’m going to slow down, get quiet, and listen for whatever comes next.

I’ll be back when I’m ready, hopefully with some new stories, new lessons, and maybe a clearer view of what I want the next chapter to look like.

Until then, thank you for being here — for reading, for connecting, for caring. It means more than you probably realize.

The Things That Scare Me

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blog, Change, Courage, emotions, fear, growth, life, love, mental health, Reflection, resilience, strength, vulnerability, writing

With spooky season in full force, I thought I’d share some things that scare me. Some are big, some small, some I can’t even name. Loss is probably the biggest one. Losing people I love, losing time I can’t get back, losing parts of myself I worked hard to grow. It’s a quiet kind of fear that sneaks up at night, when my brain starts replaying every “what if” it can find.

But success scares me too. That sounds strange, I know, but it’s true. And I know I’m not the only one. Imposter Syndrome is a thing. What if I get what I’ve always wanted and it still doesn’t feel like enough? What if I mess it up, or what if it wasn’t worth it? What if I outgrow the things and people that once made me feel safe? (I have another post in the works about this regarding my friend C) Sometimes staying in the almost feels easier than stepping into the unknown, even when that unknown could lead to something good, great, wonderful.

And then there are all the little in-between fears. The ones that come with change, or vulnerability, or just being human. The fear of saying too much, or not enough. The fear of being misunderstood. The fear of wanting more than I think I deserve. That last one is slowly going away with therapy. I’m learning that I deserve more than I used to allow myself, but it’s a work in progress and the fear still remains.

I’m learning, slowly, that fear doesn’t always mean stop. Sometimes it just means take a second to pay attention. Feel it. Let it sit beside you for a minute. Maybe it’s there to remind me that I still care deeply about my life and the people in it.

I don’t think I’ll ever stop being scared of some things. But I’m trying not to let that fear keep me from living fully. I think the trick is to keep walking through the fear anyway. To trust that what’s on the other side will be worth it.

Losing it all

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family, gratitude, growth, Healing, letting go, life, love, perspective, Reflection, resilience, writing

I’ve already been through that once. When I was 15 or 16, my house burned down. I lost everything. Can you imagine being a teenager and dealing with something like that? Everything that felt important (clothes, keepsakes, notes from friends, favorite things) gone in one night. At that age, I didn’t have the emotional tools to handle something like that, but somehow, I made it through. You learn fast that stuff can be replaced, even when it feels impossible at the time.

But if it happened to me today, what would I do? After I got done crying (because let’s be honest, it would be heartbreaking to lose all the mementos from my kids growing up), I’d start doing the adult things. Contacting the insurance company, making lists, figuring out where to even begin rebuilding.

The practical side of me knows the steps, but the emotional side? That’s harder. Losing everything again would still feel like losing pieces of my history. You can’t replace the drawings your kids made, the handwritten notes, the little things that don’t hold much value to anyone but you.

But I also know this: the only thing that really matters is my family being safe. Everything else — the furniture, the clothes, even the memories stored in things — they’re just chapters in a much bigger story. We’d grieve the loss, sure, but then we’d rebuild. Together.

I think I’d handle it differently now. I’ve lived enough life to know that what matters most isn’t the stuff we hold, but the people we hold close. Things can be rebuilt. Memories can be made again. Love doesn’t live in objects. It lives in us.

Becoming a Pro

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community, friendship, gratitude, growth, happiness, inspiration, life, motivation, movement, outdoors, passion, practice, relationships, sports, women, writing

If you had to choose a sport to be good at, which one would it be?

I’d choose my niche sport, of course. I’m still at the point in my life where I want to stay anonymous on here so I can’t really tell you what it is, but I definitely want to be really good at it. The pros make millions both in sponsorships and endorsements, and they just play so beautifully.

I spent most of last week watching them play in the biggest event of the year, and man, if I just had half their talent I’d be satisfied. I’m practicing and playing all that I can, but I just started too late in life to ever hit that level.

And that’s really okay. I enjoy getting outside to play, it keeps me moving and helps me clear my head. I have been introduced to so many wonderful people through the game, especially the women. The women in this game, from beginners to pros, are the most supportive, encouraging people I have ever met and I’m proud to call them friends. They have taught me so much about life, the game, and showing up for each other.

So, if I was forced to choose a sport to magically gain ability in, it would be this one. The one that brings me out into the sunshine, surrounded by amazing women, fresh air, and movement. But if someone did decide to pay me to play, you’d better believe I’d be out there every single day working and playing hard.

What’s your sport?